George Weasley

I've found it!

The theme of this Christmas appears to be amusing t-shirts.

Verity has hidden my Christmas presents. It's almost like she doesn't trust me.

Christmas has most definitely come early. Thanks for the mistletoe, Lavender. There are girls in the WonderWitch section of my shop, and they are kissing each other. Repeatedly. Sometimes the mistletoe isn't going and sometimes it is and they just keep kissing each other until it does. I have never been more happy to be working in the shop part of WWW. Ron, you should hurry back and see this, it is amazing. I've had to dodge a few girls for whom kissing other girls doesn't seem to work, but luckily every time I've been plagued, I can just call on my lovely wife upstairs and it always goes away for me. There really is no bad side to all of this. Some girl tried to set fire to hers earlier and the sprinklers came on in the shop (we have them programmed to sense fire and put it out - rather important in such a volatile place as this) and then they were kissing each other in wet clothes. Someone pinch me, I think I'm dreaming.

Verity thinks I'm crazy, but she also seems to think it's funny and she is always happy to spread the romance. There was a blonde and a brunette started kissing in here yesterday and found they didn't want to stop, so they went to Fortescue's on a date.

Merry Christmas to the new happy couple and to everyone!

Oh Merlin my back.

Harry
Just to let you know, someone saw you holding hands with Jack at a Halloween do, and is spreading rumours on your sexuality in the journals. Want me to give him some uncomfortable boils?

Public
My, oh my. Well, well. Love is in the air, it seems. You know Valentine's Day isn't till February, don't you? And by all accounts, some of you are down in luck right now. Well, for my entertainment out of curiosity compassion, I will be buying drinks in the Hogs Head tonight for those of my heartbroken friends who could do with company and/or alcohol. Please do seek me out.

( Private )

Angelina
Isn't it your birthday soon?

Romilda, Harry
As if there aren't already enough reasons to hate Rita Skeeter. Harry, you already know we're planning to take revenge on Skeeter for harassing Katie. Romilda, if you want in on the I-hate-Skeeter-club, we're going to give her a phantom pregnancy. We can charm her clothes invisible at some point too if it would make you feel better, preferably whilst she's still looking pregnant.

Ugh. I got so bogged down in trying to invent self-cleaning nappies - and believe you me, nappies are not something you want to get bogged down with - that I've been neglecting pretty much everything else. Why did no-one tell me having children was so all-encompassing? Actually, to be fair, I think Len's suffered a little too. Oh, she's had her nappy changed often enough, but I did kind of forget to feed her at one point. Luckily Verity noticed I hadn't left any dirty washing up in the sink and surmised correctly that was because I hadn't actually dirtied any plates with food.

So have I been successful? No. Well, sort of. I've made some progress, but if you think about it, if it was going to be easy, some other bugger would have come up with it by now. But it's going on the back burner for a while. Last night was the last straw - I had a nightmare about being chased by a dirty nappy. I'm going to try and expand the Wonderwitch line instead. Romilda has requested some hair products so I thought I'd give that a try, and I've also got the inkling of a germ of an idea that could be very interesting if I can pull it off.

Oliver, Alicia
I think all the panic and busyness at St. Mungo's has cleared up now so I can give them an extra patient without feeling bad. Are you ready to give Skeeter a taste of her own medicine?

If anyone wonders why it looks like I'm wearing a nappy under my trousers? It's because I'm wearing a nappy under my trousers. I may be irresponsible, but that doesn't mean I'm going to use my daughter as a guinea pig, not until I know it's safe at least. Good job, because it turns out it's not. If anyone wonders why I'm not sitting down? Yeah. Ouch.

Len's vaccinated. No swelling and pus for my little girl. I just hope Ginny and everyone else is okay soon too.

Private
What is happening to me? I've felt like a Dad before, but not like a grown-up. And apparently I'm trying to talk to Harper rather than slipping him some U-No-Poo.

Private to people I've already talked to about it (Oliver, Verity, Ron, Harry) plus Alicia and Angelina
The fake-pregnancy potion is ready and perfect. I'm quite proud. I might even market it later, but taking out the painful ingredients. Volunteers to slip it into Skeeter's coffee? I think perhaps it would be best to wait until this epidemic is done, as I think the healers have enough on their plate at the moment without trying to find an antidote, especially one as obscure as this one is.

Next stop: self-cleaning nappies, by Verity's request.

To do

Get revenge on Skeeter for messing with One Of My Girls
Clear backlog of owl-orders
Catch up with Alicia
Buy nappies
Invent self-changing, sweet-smelling nappies
Take Verity out for a not-so-surprise dinner
Get someone to babysit first
Stop people killing each other in their haste to offer to babysit
Stop Len getting a big head from the adoration of all her uncles and aunts
Remember that thing I can't remember

Verity and Fre Ron
I thought something that would make Skeeter look pregnant would be a good start. Any ideas for possible charms or potions ingredients to combine? Preferably tasteless or otherwise undetectable so we can slip it to her without arousing suspicion. And hopefully complicated enough she can't work out the counter-charm or antidote for a while.